I remember when I was young, Victor, Lauren and I kept jumping on the bed. We didn’t want to stop because we were having so much fun. You decided to pull a reverse psychology stint on us by telling us not to stop since we were having a blast. We eventually got tired but you kept reminding us that we better keep jumping since that’s what we wanted. Victor ended up crying and I soon followed because we were so tired. Lauren saw the two of us crying and ended up shedding tears as well – even though she had no idea we were crying. You then told us that when somebody says stop, you have to stop especially if it’s Mommy.
I remember your laugh. The way you sometimes chuckle but at the same time it makes a weird hiss. When you find something really funny, you end up having a silent laugh and only make a sound when you’re catching your breath. I love that you can laugh at almost anything.
I remember that you often make up things. We’ll be talking about something and then you’ll make up your own ending. Always guessing but you’re never really right. I always make my what-was-she-thinking face but I end up laughing in the end. I don’t know where you get the things you say but it’s hilarious. I could write a book about the ridiculous things you’ve said.
I remember when Dad and I would pick you up at the metro station. You always got off work late because you were working 2-3 jobs. You always told us that you wanted us to have a better life and that you didn’t want us to go what you went through when you were a kid.
I remember that when I’m sick, the first thing you do is make sure I’m in a jacket and jogging pants. You then tuck me into bed and feed soup to your weak “ate”. The chicken noodle soup never fails. I start to sweat and feel a bit better. You make sure that I take some medicine and let me down it with Gatorade. You always get the yellow flavor, which I hate. I always have to ask Dad to buy the red one but it’ll be too late because I’m already fast asleep by the time it gets to my bed.
I remember when I was in second year high school and you threw a notebook at me. My grades had gone down because I did nothing but use the internet. I cried but you apologized later on. You told me that I was being irresponsible and that I needed to get my act together. You got me a tutor for my math, science and earth science subjects.
I remember when you would come into my room and just snuggle up next to me. That’s how you would wake me up. You would always be so gentle when waking us up. A snuggle and a good morning kiss, with sometimes fresh breath) would do the trick.
I remember when I got my heart broken. You were right there beside me the whole time. You told me that someone else would come along. You told me that maybe the reason why we broke up was so that I could meet the one meant for me. I would cry a lot but you kept me sane. You held my hand when I needed the comfort. You also told me straight up what I needed to know, not just what I needed to hear.
I remember when you got your heart broken. It was about the same time I had mine torn into pieces. I felt for you but I guess it was difficult for me to understand. It was easier for me to move on from mine but I could see you were struggling with yours. What is a year to almost 2 decades? I wanted you to look at the way I did but I didn’t want to push it. I wanted you to move on at the right time. You would be okay for one second, and the next you were crying. I saw myself from before. I just wanted to squeeze out all the sadness, hatred and anger every time I hugged you. I wanted you to be happy.
I remember the day you left for the States. I didn’t think you would be leaving so soon. I didn’t know how long you would be gone for. But I wanted you to be strong. I was scared though. I was left with the responsibility of taking care of my brother and sister. Would I be able to take care of them just like you, mama? I didn’t want them to turn against me or tell me off that I’m “just their sister, not their mother”. Believe me, it was hard trying to teach them right from wrong. It was hard trying to lead them to a better path. It was hard just getting them to listen. But I knew that this only made me stronger. I knew you would be proud if I had done right for both Vic and Lauren.
I remember that there was a time when all my friends would look for you. They loved hanging out with you because you were so cool and so fun to be with. You would be their yosi buddy since I didn’t smoke. My friends always look for your home cooking and hospitality. They always love the stories you have to tell about your 3 little monkeys. I just loved that you treated all my friends like they were your own. You’re probably one of the mom’s of our barkada that they’ll always look for.
I remember when I told you that I was in love. I remember telling you that I wished you would let the anger out of your heart so that you can open your heart once again. I want the best for you, mom. I know that time and time again, you keep telling me that you will only love your children. But I do believe that maybe, someone will be out there for you to grow old with. Someone will be there to take care of your grand children with you. Someone out there will love you with all their heart and not once doubt you. Someone out there will love your children as his own. Someone out there will take care of you no matter how many wrinkles or flabs or how brittle your bones get. I believe that you can do the same.
I love you, mama. You may be on the other side on the world right now but that doesn’t change that I will love you forever and ever. No matter what we go through, no matter what hardships pass, I know it’s all for the better. I can’t wait for the day that you’ll stop working and move back here with us. We miss you mama, terribly. I wish I could make you breakfast on Mother’s Day but this letter will have to do for now.
Happy Mother’s Day, Inay!
P.S. Since I wasn’t able to make you breakfast, I found this really cool song that describes you.
Filed under: love, personal | Tags: chicas, friends, secret island, summer, summer diary
It’s 5am and we are stuck in a parking lot. Well, not really a parking lot… More like NLEX. I never thought that leaving at 5am would be a really bad decision especially since I thought everyone would be leaving the day before Maunday Thursday! I was wrong and I was heartbroken (hahaha big deal!). But seriously, I was semi-torn into pieces because instead of the usual two hour drive, it took us almost four hours to get from Manila to Subic! It was cray cray on NLEX because not only were people all going to the province, but we encountered 2 accidents and 2 stalled trucks. WHUT. It would’ve been cool if I had been asleep like everyone else, but I was the designated driver. I felt like my butt had gone flat during the whole trip! I figured that the exit going to SCTEX would take forever, so I inched my way to the far most right and exited at Angeles. From there, it was a breeze! There’s an exit to SCTEX from there plus there weren’t any long lines at the toll. Oh yeah.
“Ate, lets go out tonight after our event. Just you, me and Vic. You’re gonna be pretty busy this week and I want to be able to spend time with you on your birthday..”
It’s funny because instead of planning my own birthday this year, my sister Lauren had planned it for me. I was expecting something nice and quiet with my monkeys (what I call Victor and Lauren haha) but apparently I was in for a lot more! I have ALWAYS planned out something for my birthday. For the past 3 years, I always had a little something up my sleeve so that my friends and I could enjoy on my special day.
2010! The day I was no longer a teenager! I thought I was being all adult like and wanted to party it up in a club. Hindi ko na nga matandaan yung name ng bar na pinagcelebrate ko but I remember it was on a Saturday and that was a big thing. I just HAD to have my birthday on an “SNL” night. Loooooved that night because my friend Euric was playing and his music isn’t all TUGS TUGS TUGS. “Euric!!! Play this song for me PLEASEEE!” Hahahaha! I hope he didn’t get too annoyed with us that night. :p
2011! I am so sad because for some reason I only found two pictures I probably had the pictures on my old laptop and for some reason, none of my friends had pictures! That night was really fun though and I was still feeling like a baws and was like, “I’m 21! I’m legal! Let’s drink!” So I did! And so did all of my friends. It was so cool because I was able to get 3 bottles for a pretty kick ass price and my friend gave me a bottle of Patron XO (muy paborito). To top off the night, one of my friends was really outta it (aka had-too-much-to-drink) and ordered a really expensive bottle of alcohol. OH NOES. Good thing I had a friend to the rescue who even offered to pay for everything! We all spent the night in Shangri la and went swimming the day after to get rid of that nasty hangover.
2012! I guess I had finally moved on from the “partying days” because this year I just wanted a pretty chill and laid back celebration. In my barkada, “The Chicas” as we like to call ourselves, four of us are February celebrants. So I planned something for the whole barkada sponsored by us Feb babies. We reserved a HUUUUGE table at this hidden restaurant in Marikina called Isabelo Gardens and had such an amazing time. It was full of old stories, new stories, laughter, food, more food and good times. Afterwards, we went to Rue Bourbon and decided to have a couple of drinks. The celebrants were given a special drink called “Gunpoweder”. It’s the PERFECT drink for a birthday girl or guy because it’s better than a birthday cake! They light the mixed shot (just like a B52) and then sprinkle it with cinnamon (ala Are You Afraid of The Dark where they throw magic powder in the fire and it lights up like BOOM). Then they put out the fire and capture the smoke in a glass and cover it. You drink the shot with a straw and it gets craaaazy! But that’s not all because you have to inhale the smoke in that other glass. Okay, maybe now it gets craaaazy! I think that was the only drink I had that night because that’s all I could really take :p
2013! This year, I really hadn’t planned anything. I was too caught up in work that I kinda forgot to put together something for my birthday. Lauren told me that she had reserved a table para sa aming magkakapatid. I called up Victor and asked him if he was going and at first he was clueless until I told him Lauren had planned it. He went, “Ahh.. Alam mo pala…” From there, I had an inkling that something was up! HA! Of course, I didn’t want to assume, but I also didn’t want to ruin anything just in case. HAHAHA :)) So after our event, we went to meet up with Vic. But he wasn’t the only one there. All of the Beshies were there! I got so kilig to the boneezy because it’s the first time that someone has done a surprise birthday salubong for me
A week before my birthday, I had a cute videoke celebration kasama ang “mga anak” ko sa Team Bata. They call me mum, momsy, mommy, mudra, you name it basta ako ang nanay nila! Haha! They were so sweet to bring gifts for me! They best part about it though was that we were all bonding and singing together and just talking about random stuff! I love that this group is so fun to be with and they want the best not only for me but for everyone else around them. I’m so grateful to have met them and hopefully dumami pa ang mga anak ko na Team Bata na mababait!
Of course, I had to spend my birthday with the Chicas so on my birthday itself we met up for a major appetizer food trip! We each had a “chocolate cake shot” at Draft to top off the night. And mind you, it was reaaaaaally good. My good friend and one of my favorite designers, Sassa Jimenez even sent over a birthday cake. I decided to bring it over to my celebration with the chicas and we devoured that cake like anything. The coolest part about the cake though was it’s design! It was in the shape of a freaking apple! NOMNOMNOM :”)
Looking back at the past couple of years, I’m really happy I got to spend it with the people closest to my heart. They’re the people that keep me grounded. They’re the people that push me to do better. Plus, soooo many people on Twitter greeted me so thank you guys so much because you made the butterflies in my belly jump around like crazy. <;3
I’m sure at one point in our lives people have come across “cheaters”. Majority of you will probably be screaming in your heads because an image of your cheating ex will reappear in your path of peacefulness. Let me just slap you with a fish and remind you that cheating exes aren’t the only types of cheaters out there! I’m sure you’re one too! Faithfulness is something most people lack because of certain circumstances. Just so you know though, it can be done. Being faithful is something that can be done because it’s probably the best thing ever next to getting your first kiss (okay maybe not for everyone teehee).
I’m no expert when it comes to love but one thing that I’ve learned along the way is to love, respect and be faithful to your partner. Love is a choice. We choose to be with the people we are with and the same with them. I’ve been through relationships that have been topsy turvy and same with my friends. I see how unhappy both parties get when one of them cheats. It’s a sad sight. It makes you wonder why they do such a thing! But one thing is for sure, I will always be faithful to the one I love. If I’m happy with that person, hindi na ako maghahanap pa ng iba! Try niyo rin! But seriously, being with the one you love can really put butterflies in your belly and make you want to give them thatcandy land and a bunch of cute puppies. It’s the best feeling in the world.
When I was younger, there was a subject I had such a hard time with and I ended up making a kodigo for it just so that I could pass. I passed of course, but I felt so bad after because I knew that I wasn’t doing the right thing. You know how teachers always put a footnote at the bottom of your exam like “SOMEONE IS WATCHING YOU SO DON’T CHEAT BECAUSE YOU WILL BE SCARRED FOR LIFE!”? Okay, well maybe it isn’t that bad but you get the gist of it. I wanted so badly to pass the final exams so I studied 2 weeks for that test. I made sure I studied for a couple of hours every night just so it would stick to me. The day of the results came, and I passed LIKE A BOSS. Why like a boss you ask? Because I got the highest score for that subject. Through that I learned that I don’t have to settle for making that measly kodigo even if it means just passing. I worked hard to achieve my goal and when I did, I felt so good about it.
Guilty naman siguro tayong lahat sa pagsasabi ng: “Bukas na ako magddiet!”. Sabay smile. Sabay kain. I knew that at one point, I wasn’t eating right. Then I saw Anne Curtis’ commercial for Century Tuna and I really had a SMH moment. Damn, I wanted to be a goddess like her! I wanted to wake up the next morning with abs like her but I knew something had to be done about it. I knew that if I wanted to be sexy like her, I would have to work out and eat right.
If you want to achieve that sexy Anne Curtis body and be healthy at the same time, then it doesn’t stop with just cardio or ab work outs. No matter how hard you push it in the gym, kung hindi ka naman kumakain ng tama, wala rin namang mangyayari. So I made sure that I got the best of the best. I got all my favorite fruits, veggies and TUNA! I only get Century Tuna because it’s the best I’ve ever had (cue in Drake song). I wouldn’t settle for anything less especially if I have a goal. Plus, it’s great to eat on it’s own because it has has the highest level of Omega 3 plus BIGGER FLAKES! My favorite one is the Century Tuna Flakes in Oil because I can eat it on it’s own.
Diets are only boring if you make them boring. I could give you a gazillion healthy recipes I could make with tuna and I wouldn’t get tired of it! Like my trainer always said:
So if you wanna lose a pound of two, be faithful to your diet. Start off with the right food and have a kick ass body inspiration (AHEM)