I remember when I was young, Victor, Lauren and I kept jumping on the bed. We didn’t want to stop because we were having so much fun. You decided to pull a reverse psychology stint on us by telling us not to stop since we were having a blast. We eventually got tired but you kept reminding us that we better keep jumping since that’s what we wanted. Victor ended up crying and I soon followed because we were so tired. Lauren saw the two of us crying and ended up shedding tears as well – even though she had no idea we were crying. You then told us that when somebody says stop, you have to stop especially if it’s Mommy.
I remember your laugh. The way you sometimes chuckle but at the same time it makes a weird hiss. When you find something really funny, you end up having a silent laugh and only make a sound when you’re catching your breath. I love that you can laugh at almost anything.
I remember that you often make up things. We’ll be talking about something and then you’ll make up your own ending. Always guessing but you’re never really right. I always make my what-was-she-thinking face but I end up laughing in the end. I don’t know where you get the things you say but it’s hilarious. I could write a book about the ridiculous things you’ve said.
I remember when Dad and I would pick you up at the metro station. You always got off work late because you were working 2-3 jobs. You always told us that you wanted us to have a better life and that you didn’t want us to go what you went through when you were a kid.
I remember that when I’m sick, the first thing you do is make sure I’m in a jacket and jogging pants. You then tuck me into bed and feed soup to your weak “ate”. The chicken noodle soup never fails. I start to sweat and feel a bit better. You make sure that I take some medicine and let me down it with Gatorade. You always get the yellow flavor, which I hate. I always have to ask Dad to buy the red one but it’ll be too late because I’m already fast asleep by the time it gets to my bed.
I remember when I was in second year high school and you threw a notebook at me. My grades had gone down because I did nothing but use the internet. I cried but you apologized later on. You told me that I was being irresponsible and that I needed to get my act together. You got me a tutor for my math, science and earth science subjects.
I remember when you would come into my room and just snuggle up next to me. That’s how you would wake me up. You would always be so gentle when waking us up. A snuggle and a good morning kiss, with sometimes fresh breath) would do the trick.
I remember when I got my heart broken. You were right there beside me the whole time. You told me that someone else would come along. You told me that maybe the reason why we broke up was so that I could meet the one meant for me. I would cry a lot but you kept me sane. You held my hand when I needed the comfort. You also told me straight up what I needed to know, not just what I needed to hear.
I remember when you got your heart broken. It was about the same time I had mine torn into pieces. I felt for you but I guess it was difficult for me to understand. It was easier for me to move on from mine but I could see you were struggling with yours. What is a year to almost 2 decades? I wanted you to look at the way I did but I didn’t want to push it. I wanted you to move on at the right time. You would be okay for one second, and the next you were crying. I saw myself from before. I just wanted to squeeze out all the sadness, hatred and anger every time I hugged you. I wanted you to be happy.
I remember the day you left for the States. I didn’t think you would be leaving so soon. I didn’t know how long you would be gone for. But I wanted you to be strong. I was scared though. I was left with the responsibility of taking care of my brother and sister. Would I be able to take care of them just like you, mama? I didn’t want them to turn against me or tell me off that I’m “just their sister, not their mother”. Believe me, it was hard trying to teach them right from wrong. It was hard trying to lead them to a better path. It was hard just getting them to listen. But I knew that this only made me stronger. I knew you would be proud if I had done right for both Vic and Lauren.
I remember that there was a time when all my friends would look for you. They loved hanging out with you because you were so cool and so fun to be with. You would be their yosi buddy since I didn’t smoke. My friends always look for your home cooking and hospitality. They always love the stories you have to tell about your 3 little monkeys. I just loved that you treated all my friends like they were your own. You’re probably one of the mom’s of our barkada that they’ll always look for.
I remember when I told you that I was in love. I remember telling you that I wished you would let the anger out of your heart so that you can open your heart once again. I want the best for you, mom. I know that time and time again, you keep telling me that you will only love your children. But I do believe that maybe, someone will be out there for you to grow old with. Someone will be there to take care of your grand children with you. Someone out there will love you with all their heart and not once doubt you. Someone out there will love your children as his own. Someone out there will take care of you no matter how many wrinkles or flabs or how brittle your bones get. I believe that you can do the same.
I love you, mama. You may be on the other side on the world right now but that doesn’t change that I will love you forever and ever. No matter what we go through, no matter what hardships pass, I know it’s all for the better. I can’t wait for the day that you’ll stop working and move back here with us. We miss you mama, terribly. I wish I could make you breakfast on Mother’s Day but this letter will have to do for now.
Happy Mother’s Day, Inay!
P.S. Since I wasn’t able to make you breakfast, I found this really cool song that describes you.
Filed under: list, love | Tags: list, love, valentine's day, what to do on valentine's day
Valentine’s Day is exactly one week away and I know exactly how I’m gonna celebrate it! I’m gonna rock the month of hearts like any other day of the year – with love.
Who wouldn’t love flowers on that special day? Who wouldn’t love a cute little teddy bear? Who wouldn’t want those yummy chocolates.
Well, I don’t want any of those things.
What are some things that I think matter on Valentines?
Valentine’s Day is a holiday where we celebrate love. Some people get sad because they don’t have a special someone or a date for that day. I know people that really dislike the holiday because they can’t seem to find someone they can be with on the 14th. I say, screw it. So what if you don’t have a boyfriend or a girlfriend. So what if nobody asked you out! You’re missing out the real essence of Valentine’s Day – LOVE. It’s not just about being with a significant other. What about the other people around you that love you? Here’s how I’ve spent Valentine’s Day on different occasions:
1. With friends – There was a time when I was single for about 3 years straight – but I wasn’t the only one single. I had tons of single friends! We all went out and had such a good time hanging out with each other! We didn’t go out to one of those find-a-date things. We had a group date and enjoyed each others company while looking back on good times.
2. With my family – There’s no better love than the love of your family. Sometimes it’s just nice to kick back with the family and have a nice dinner. Sometimes, a trip out of town is cool too!
3. Alone – *insert “forever alone” meme* This has got to be one of my most relaxing Valentine’s yet. I was just pampering myself – all for myself! I felt so good after getting a nice massage, mani/pedi and after that I got so hungry that I went to get dessert! Don’t be intimidated by couples out there. Remember: Love yourself before you love another.
4. With a date – One time I surprised a guy with flowers. He was so shocked because I caught him off guard. I made a bunch of desserts for the both of us. I guess you can say I swept him off his feet HAHA! It’s always nice to surprise someone. Especially for the girls! Guys love it when you surprise them. Believe me. Even if it’s a simple hand-written letter or a little scrapbook or video, I’m sure they’ll appreciate your efforts.
What matters most is that you spend that special day with the people that matter most (yourself included).
Now… What to do this Valentine’s Day?